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“Let’s try Craigslist,” she suggested. After about fifteen minutes I was really discouraged. I could make minimum wage cutting grass or stocking shelves, but I couldn’t live on that. “OK, let’s try Backpage.” Never heard of it and told her so. “Backpage has fewer jobs than Craigslist but, uhm, more that don’t require a degree or academic skills.” Christine looked like she was about to blush. Backpage it was. The usual jobs were the usual minimum wage, doing shit I didn’t want to do. “Try the adult jobs,” she suggested. I did. God, I wish I had born with a vagina. Most of the jobs were for female “models,” online “adult actresses,” and nude dancers. No good. I eventually figured out how to filter the results, and found six jobs for males. Two were for gay porn actors (no, thanks) three I couldn’t understand, and one was for a party entertainer. It paid $50 an hour. Party entertainer it was. Instead of a phone number the ad listed a Skype address. I called it up and sent a contact. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want my husband to come up behind me and hug me while I wash dishes in my sweats and an old, baby-stained, oversized t-shirt who never doubts that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I want to lie in bed with him on Christmas morning, giggling under the covers while we listen to our little ones slowly waking to see if Santa had shown up - even if we both had no sleep due to being up all night wrapping presents. I want to walk along the beach hand in hand with him while the bottoms of my rolled up jeans get soaking wet and.
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